THE BRIEF
Our October newsletter goes out Friday. Can you copyedit it? I always feel it rambles and I'm never sure about my commas. Please keep it sounding like me.
Scenario: Independent bookshop owner, monthly email to 3,400 subscribers
Package: Newsletter copyedit · $30 · 60 min
I've read it three times now: once as your reader, once as your critic, once out loud.
THE EDITED OPENING
Fall is here, and so are the new hardcovers. This month we have three events, one long-awaited restock and a confession: Margaret has finally read the book everyone told her to read, and she has opinions.
WHAT I CHANGED, AND WHY
| Original | Edited | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Fall is officially here and with it, lots of exciting new hardcovers! | Fall is here, and so are the new hardcovers. | "Officially" and "exciting" were doing no work. The comma belongs before "and" because both halves are full sentences. |
| We have three events this month which we're very excited about. | This month we have three events. | Your readers will see that you're excited when they read the list. "Which" also needed to be "that," but the shorter sentence removes the question. |
| Its back in stock! | It's back in stock. | "It's" means "it is." I removed the exclamation point; the restock is good news without it. |
| Signed copies (while supplies last!!) | Signed copies, while they last | One mark is enough. The parentheses made the best news look like an aside. |
| Join us on Thursday October 16th at 7pm | Join us on Thursday, Oct. 16, at 7 p.m. | Commas around the date, no "th" after a numeral, and the house style you used later in the email. |
- Original
- Fall is officially here and with it, lots of exciting new hardcovers!
- Edited
- Fall is here, and so are the new hardcovers.
- Why
- "Officially" and "exciting" were doing no work. The comma belongs before "and" because both halves are full sentences.
- Original
- We have three events this month which we're very excited about.
- Edited
- This month we have three events.
- Why
- Your readers will see that you're excited when they read the list. "Which" also needed to be "that," but the shorter sentence removes the question.
- Original
- Its back in stock!
- Edited
- It's back in stock.
- Why
- "It's" means "it is." I removed the exclamation point; the restock is good news without it.
- Original
- Signed copies (while supplies last!!)
- Edited
- Signed copies, while they last
- Why
- One mark is enough. The parentheses made the best news look like an aside.
- Original
- Join us on Thursday October 16th at 7pm
- Edited
- Join us on Thursday, Oct. 16, at 7 p.m.
- Why
- Commas around the date, no "th" after a numeral, and the house style you used later in the email.
CONSISTENCY
- Author names: "Ann Patchett" appeared once as "Anne Patchett." Fixed.
- Times: all now "7 p.m." style. There were three different styles.
- "Book club" is now lowercase throughout except in the heading.
ONE COMPLIMENT
Your paragraph about the cat sleeping in the poetry section is the best thing in the email. I did not touch a word of it.
It's good. Now it's also clear. — Linda
